Module 2 of “Using the Arts to Create Joy & Connection”
Mind Shift
Hi! Welcome to Module 2. Watch the video above. The text below, is a transcript of what you’ll see and hear in the video.
There are a few mind shifts that need to be made when your life includes a person with dementia. Expectations you may have of your loved one or client, need to be tweaked constantly, because what they are capable of doing, expressing, and understanding changes constantly. Their reality is likely to be very different from you own, and a bit of a moving target! So - let’s start off by talking about letting go of judgement; judgement of the person in your care and judgement of artistic expression.
First about the person - It’s very natural to want to convince your loved one of what you know to be true; such as their age, who the people are that come in and out of their room or home, the fact that some of the people they’re waiting for or expecting, such as their spouse, a sibling, or a parent, may have died many years ago. If their reality is something different from what you know to be true, you need to accept their reality when you are spending time with them. To try to convince them of anything else is distressing, confusing and very hurtful to them. If you can accept your loved one for who they are right now in this moment, along with their current version of reality, you can build a stronger relationship that allows you to engage in brand new ways.
Sometimes, it’s a unique opportunity to hear their personal stories from a different time in their life. This is a good time to share a true story with you from my own experience. I was meeting every Wednesday with a woman in a long term care home to have weekly, one-on-one art-making sessions. The timing was a bit unfortunate from Agnes’s perspective, at least in some ways, but it was an appreciated distraction from the perspective of her care staff. My client (I’ll refer to her as Agnes) would sometimes be a bit anxious when I arrived and I would explain to her that I was there for our “Create Date”. She would respond by telling me she is busy today and is waiting for her husband to pick her up for a lunch date. I know her husband passed away about 25 years ago, but it would have been incredibly distressing and cruel to inform her that her husband died. In her mind (in her reality), he is alive and well and takes her out for lunch every Wednesday. So I said, “Oh Agnes, that’s wonderful! May I help you get ready for your date?” I helped her pick out an outfit (it’s the same dress she chooses to wear every Wednesday for this reason) and then we chatted as I gently brushed her hair. We listened to some music Agnes associates with good times with her husband and we made a lovely card together with a love poem Agnes still remembers from early in their marriage. On other Wednesdays while waiting for her husband, she has painted a picture while she waits, or made a small gift. When you really listen with your heart to what will feed their heart and soul, your time together will be so much more joyful, calm and loving. I realize this may sound like I’m an advocate for “lying”, but that’s not what this is about. If your actions and reactions are coming from a place of kindness, in order to support your loved one’s sense of wellbeing, I believe you are doing the best thing possible under the circumstances by accepting their truths, especially if the alternative results in distress, anger and quite possibly, the need for a sedative.
The time I spent with Agnes was calm, enjoyable, creative and fun. She shared her story of where they like to go for lunch, we listened to music together, and she felt pleased with her dress and had fun making a card and other pieces of art with me. She is very proud of the love poem she wrote for her husband in their early years together. She won’t remember what we did the next time she sees me, nor will she even remember who I am, but she will remember how she felt during our time together. Stories, music, art & poetry are all art modalities we’re able to use in a little over an hour together. They create connection and bring her joy.
It’s important to remind yourself, that even when your loved one or client doesn’t remember when you last visited (even if it was yesterday) or perhaps they don’t even remember who you are, they do remember how you make them feel. This is a time in their life when helping them to feel calm and connected by showing love and compassion, and sharing moments of joy together, are the very things that enhance their quality of life. These things matter every bit as much as taking care of their physical needs. Making use of the creative process is an excellent way to create connection and joy.
Letting Go of Judgement
Let’s talk about letting go of judgement in the artistic process. If you’re a person who resists involvement in the arts due to a perceived lack of talent or skills, or possibly bad past experiences with an art teacher or self-appointed art critics in your life, you’ll need to make a mind shift here as well. If your loved one or client has this particular kind of resistance to doing art, you’ll need to help them to make this mind shift too. But please trust me on this - it is worth it!
First of all, it is not the OUTCOME of the artwork that is important - whether it is your work, your loved one or client’s work, or the work you create together. The PROCESS is the important part, it is in the process of creating, where the magic happens - the connection, the expression, the stories, and the joy!
It makes a big difference to work with people “in the moment”, with the focus being on what they’re interested in - what their skills are, their talents and their abilities, and most importantly, what they want to do and feel up to doing, today, in the present moment. We all have good days and bad days, so it’s important to adjust your approach accordingly. The goal isn’t to make a piece of art, it’s to make connection. Engaging with them in a positive way, is what is important. Sometimes that takes a bit of trial and error, so it’s good to have a variety of options in your art cart or bag. Sitting quietly together and listening to a piece of calming music, may be what the present moment calls for. That could evolve into small, natural movement to the rhythm of the music. Use your own instincts, and what you sense from their energy, to guide you in making creative choices that enhance the connection in the moment.
A simple focus tends to generate greater depth of expression. Activities that are too complex, or have “rules”, or too many steps, will detract from the simple pleasure of just “doing”. As leaders of the creative process, we want to help people forget their preoccupations and inhibitions around art, and to let things happen as spontaneously as they often do in childhood. Music makes a great starting point because music & movement go hand in hand with each other. And if you can move, you can paint, write, sing, dance and act. Just begin to move, and expression will emerge from what you do and you will have a contagious impact on others. It’s also a good idea to set an example, to model the activity. Everything about artistic expression is incremental. Movements build upon one another. It isn’t necessary for a project to be planned to it’s conclusion. One gesture influences the next gesture in shaping every art form. The same thing happens between people when participating in the creative process.
I also encourage you to start your own creative practice - something you just do for a short while every day. If you “try out” the activities you’re thinking of doing with your loved one or client, you’ll know first hand if it is an activity that is suitable for that use. Stay open during your own process, for any thoughts or ideas about making little tweaks to accommodate any kind of physical limitation. Improvise as you go, and enjoy wherever the process takes you. You can always bring your finished piece along to your next visit, so your client or loved one has a better understanding of the possibilities. If you think it will limit them to see a finished example before getting started, then just begin together and let the process flow in its own unique way. You can always share your personal version of the process after your co-creative work has reached its own natural conclusion.
The more time you make for your own practice, the easier and more natural your co-creative work will be. You’ll intuitively know how to keep the process moving without second guessing yourself or judging the outcome. Have fun & create joy!
In Module 3, we’ll explore 3 simple activities to get you started!
